Ka-dunk-thwap: a grammar game
Illustration by Tim Martin
This is a brief tale about a man and a midlife crisis (episode 73). Alternatively, a man (me) having fun, reliving an aspect of my youth.
Ka-dunk-thwap. Is it a verb? Can you ka-dunk? Is it a noun? A ka-dunk. No, It is a sound and dictionaries state sounds are nouns. I will go with that—the sound of a ka-dunk-thwap.
But what is a Ka-dunk-thwap? It’s not a Batman-like thing, like Biff, Kapow, or Thwack. No, this is the sound of a ball thrown against a wall, bouncing onto the ground and into your hand.
Wall, floor, hand. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Wall, floor, hand. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Hand-eye coordination. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Aerobic exercise. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Rhythmic. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Hypnotic. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Outdoors. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Indoors. Ka-dunk-thwap.
It’s guaranteed to annoy the neighbours (if you do it on the party wall). Ka-dunk-thwap.
Addictive. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Fun. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Joyous. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Mindless. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Escapism. Ka-dunk-thwap.
Time to reflect without digital interruption. Ka-dunk-thwap.
You may experience ka-dunk-thud. This is the sound of your ball careering into the neighbour’s garden. An over-exuberant ‘ka’ results in an off-kilter ‘dunk’. The result is the ball flying off at an unpredictable pace and angle.
As a child, I hated going around to the neighbour to ask for the ball. The embarrassment increased to an intolerable level if I had been ka-dunking on the party wall beforehand.
My wife and I were reminiscing about childhood. We both laughed when we talked about ka-dunk-thwap. This was not its name back in our day. It made us smile and wonder how a simple activity, needing a ball and wall, could bring such joy.
She told me of all manner of variations. Ka-dunk- (between the legs) thwap. Ka-dunk- (under one leg) thwap. Then, for the professional or serious amateurs, ka-dunk- (spin around) thwap. I have much practice to do on this last method.
There are further variations of the game for those without a ball. An alternative to ka-dunk-thwap is thwap-thwap. A double noun.
This is the serene tai chi variation of tennis. Played by one or two people. It’s the balletic attempt to hit a party balloon and not let it touch the furniture or floor. Played on your own, it is practice for the main event. Played in pairs, you have competitive thwap-thwap. Enjoyed by children of all ages and abilities.
Be aware that you should avoid alcohol when playing. I will assume no liability for broken furniture, fixtures, fittings, or bones. It is your fault if you overexert yourself and career off into the coffee table or push your favourite lamp off the shelf.
Ka-dunk-thwap. Thwap-thwap. Relax. Smile. Laugh. It is the taking part that counts. Also, it is better than Twister. As a youth, I could reach all the hand and foot spots. Now it is a case of ‘Left foot yellow’. Yep, done that. ‘Right-hand red.’ Nope, not a chance. I wouldn’t get up again.
Do you ka-dunk-thwap or thwap-thwap? Go on. You know you want to.
If you want to follow along with my self-publishing adventures, why not sign up for my newsletter, where I will summarise what I have learned or done. I’ll produce something once per month, and I promise I won’t spam your mailbox.
If you fancy reaching out, why not contact me.